Ready, Steady, Go!: Runaway men

Have you ever realized how instructive can be living in a town? As there aren’t many distractions in a small town like mine, you have plenty of time to observe your neighbours’ behavior and their interesting relationships. And, after having dedicated quite a lot of time to this entertaining activity, I can’t help but wonder, when it comes to townie men, are they just old dogs pretending to be “modern” men? Do they just pretend they want clever and independent women when they are actually looking for the perfect housewife?

It was my dear friend Lola who suggested that gripping topic while we shared a beer with some friends. As most of them are really pretty, intelligent and with great jobs but singles, she saw it clear: they actually choose to be single to avoid the scary looks they got from men who feel threatened for their power! – I know, you might be thinking my friends are crazy, I thought so too. Unfortunately, I was wrong! – I was really shocked when the entire table agreed with Lola’s words and started to tell me about the difficulties they fight to get a date and their white lies when it comes to flirting.  Can you imagine a successful lawyer pretending to be a cashier so as to go on talking with a guy? An amazing engineer neglecting that she has a degree just to try and have a little bit of what she hopes to be great sex? I was laughing so much that they wanted to show me it was true and, unbelievable as it may sound, I must admit it was!!

I supposed it is easy to find those reactions in some kind of men so, instead of going to our usual pub, we went to a posh and nice one –that kind of place where you expect to meet business men who don’t feel intimidate for triumphant women- we ordered some cocktails –pretending to be the real Sex and the City girls- and we waited for the men to come. We didn’t have to wait much for the first group to attack. They were three attractive attorneys, so I thought it would be easy for them not to consider my friends as a threat. Could I be more mistaken? You should have seen their freaky faces when they listened to words such as engineer, nurse or designer. They looked like really frightened and, after a few seconds, they just rushed as in a stampede!!

I felt so disappointed! As a woman who has always had more male than female friends, I really trusted them when they used to tell me they liked women who are intelligent and autonomous. However, after my friends’ demonstration, I couldn’t help to admit that most of the women who match that definition in my town are not only single but also have to face men running away from them once they say what they do for a living.

Why do men lie to us? They tell us they want independent women and then, they look for a woman who stays at home cooking, cleaning, taking care of children and waiting for her man. Are they so cowardly that tell us they are happy with our autonomy when they aren’t? Is this a general tendency in nowadays men or just the general rule of men in my town? Whatever the answer is, in truth I must say that something is going wrong if you have to lie to get a date.  If a man can’t stand that you earn more money than him or that you are intelligent enough to have a good conversation with him then, are you sure you want to date him? If you have to be someone you are not to prevent a man from running away, is that the man you want in your life? I don’t think so, I might be a naïve  but I really think there are real men over there, men who are able to love us just as we are. So, next time you find a runaway man, don't feel ashamed of who you are, just smile because something better is waiting for you!

Funny Town, Crazy Town

It’s a worldwide known truth that there’s no funnier place to live than a small town. Do you think I lost my mind? I can show you how right my words are. Where else can you change from a “weird, independent woman” to a “poor abandoned girl” and then again to a “tart” in just a few days? Isn’t this your idea of a funny life? You are right, maybe, it’s just crazy but, you have to admit it’s really entertaining!

As you all know, my boyfriend left the country over a month now and I had to face my neighbours’ comments on my strange decision of staying in Spain. However, not all of you know that, suddenly, just a week afterwards, I became the “poor abandoned girl”, what turned to be even worse! Can you imagine suffering from the continuous pity looks, the whisperings predicting you will become a spinster -‘just as her friends’, they used to say -, the phone calls from people who usually don’t talk to you, just to be sure you are fine, which actually means: ‘you are not going to commit suicide because of your loneliness, are you?’,  and, of course, we cannot forget the surprise visits to check your mood and criticize your boyfriend for leaving you alone. Yes, my dear friends just imagine how much fun I enjoyed those days!

However, and just in case I thought things couldn’t be worse, my lovely town has taught me they could. One more time this week, my dear neighbours started to look at me with different eyes… Can you believe I dare to go out? How could I think of doing such a great deed? Well, I suppose I’m crazy but I did it. I went out with my friends and…Can you guess it? I had fun! God forsake me, it seems my town won’t!

That’s it, my dear readers, I spent a great night out with my friends instead of being at home watching old films and crying for having been abandoned. I even met some guys and I was talking to them - something unforgiveable! I enjoyed so much that next morning the whole town had decided that I was such an insolent girl that they were ashamed for having felt compassion for me once. So, they didn’t anymore. They decided I was such a shameless girl that I just deserve their contempt.

And here I am, shocked for my neighbours’ attitude once more. Feeling that I live in a puritan town, being pointed at, just as HesterPrynne in The Scarlet Letter . And I can’t help but wonder, is it normal to feel like that after so much time between us? Is this a kind of intrinsic feature of small towns and we, poor of their inhabitants, are doomed to live with it?

I suppose a town is a town and it will always be but, don’t misunderstand me please, I really like my town. Call it absurdity or call it nonsense but, isn’t it exciting to wonder everyday what extraordinary idea will your neighbours surprise you with? I suppose that’s the real magic of small towns, no matter how many years can pass by, their old-fashioned ideas always remain in their people’s hearts and, foolish as they might seem, they are just our neighbours’ way to show their concern about us. So that’s the essence of my town, a crazy town, my funny town.

Are women in their thirties the new in style drug among boys in their twenties?

As a confirmed fan of the sitcom Sex and the City, I laughed and even thought it was true when Carrie considered that men in their twenties were the new designer drug among women in their thirties. Of course I know it’s not always so but, in those ages when the chapter was on, I realized there was a kind of phase most of women go through in which they feel attracted for young men – yes, the so called toy boys - but, have you ever considered that it might be the other way round? Have you ever thought that, maybe, it’s young boys who choose and want to be toy boys, that, maybe, they are the ones who prefer older women? I know, once more, you might be thinking why I am wondering those stupid things, well, once more, I’ve got a story for that!

After being called a spinster, my friend Lola turned into a drama queen saying we really had to do something to solve that ridiculous misunderstanding – surprisingly, she was really offended and I couldn’t figure out why since she usually doesn’t heed our neighbours’ gossips. I tried to convince her to ignore those stupid comments but, once Lola is determined to do something it is impossible to stop her so, I gave up my arguments and went with her in her search for a new boyfriend.

As we live in a small town where all the singles know each other and there isn’t any attraction among them – not anymore, I should say - we went to a nearby town just to find out we were the favourite target of young boys!! We tried to wait for “a real man” to appear but, after having three beers and what pretended to be some stylish drinks, we had to admit that young boys were the only ones showing interest in us. So, I couldn’t help but wonder: were women in their thirties the new in style drug for young boys?

I started to ask myself where our age men were and where were the young girls for those wanna-be toy boys.  Then, as if I had just woken up from a dream, I saw the solution, just in front of me. After having a quick look to the pub I awake to the fact that young girls were almost stalking every single man in there! And, just in case I didn’t get it on my own, the last young boy we met answered all my questions. It seems that nowadays women are both, sexually more liberated and more in number than men so, they didn’t need to flirt and conquer women anymore! As a consequence, young boys, fed up of having everything they want from a girl so easily, turn into older women looking for that challenge that every real conquest implies whereas, men in their thirties, sick of having to do balancing acts to get something from their generation girls –especially when they were younger – are very happy just trying to decide who will be the chosen girl every night.

So there it was, the nineties women tendency to flirt with younger boys has become  nowadays young boys interest in older women. And, funny as I might find this fact, I have to admit I’m a little bit concerned about the world we are creating. I mean, isn’t it worrying that young boys prefer older women because they find their age girls too easy to conquer? Maybe I’m a little old-fashion but I really think sometimes it’s good to make it hard for men, don’t you think?

From single to spinster

One of the funniest things of living in a small town is checking how your perception about most of the topics you might think is wrong -according to your neighbours, of course. Have you ever considered how difficult it might be for an innocent but, as it seems, quite modern in her thoughts, single girl in her thirties to realize that she is always mistaken? Have you ever thought of how hard it might be for her to change all of her ideas once she is already thirty?  You might be thinking I’m a little bit of a drama queen but, if you want to find out why I am saying this, go on reading, find it out and laugh at me and my unconscious beliefs!

I was having a beer -I know, it should have been a cocktail but, as I already told you, it is not  so easy to live a Sex and the City lifestyle in a small town- with one of my best friends- let’s call her Lola- when we met by chance one of our friends’ mum. She was really friendly and even shares a coffee with us and then, suddenly, when she was leaving, she couldn’t help to drop the bomb.  She asked Lola why she was a spinster if she could meet and go out with any guy like, for instance, his son! Of course we couldn’t avoid laughing at the shocking question, firstly, because his son is gay -something it seems she ignores- secondly, because she really meant it. That is, she was really worried for Lola because she is already 28 and she doesn’t have a boyfriend. For her, she is just a poor spinster and…She is not even 30! Then, a quick thought crossed my mind: when do you pass over that subtle line between being a sexy single or a poor spinster? And, even more important, are we living in a place where people cannot understand that, maybe, you have decided to be single just because you want?

I thought that nowadays you could use the word single, at least, up to the thirties without any problems. Even more, I was really convinced that it was acceptable and understandable that any woman or man decided to live on their own, to be single, without that pejorative connotation most of us heard in words such as spinster or confirmed bachelor. Nevertheless, once again, it seemed towns had their own opinion about my beliefs. How could I be so wrong!!

Without believing most of my neighbours could still hold that out-of-date idea, I decided to lead a kind of survey with my friends and, after quite a lot of research -basically asking in pubs to quite drunk friends- I had to admit that, once more, in my dear and lovely town people are quite old-fashioned in their thoughts. Could I have been more naïve? I really assumed they believe in a single-state life but it seems I was completely mistaken.  We can have good jobs, we can live on our own but, if we don’t get married soon, we’d be poor spinsters in need of a man! I suppose that is our stylish Sex and the Town life! 

How much trusting is too much trusting?

I have always thought that trusting is essential for a healthy relationship to work but, have you ever wondered how much trusting is too much trusting? Is there a point at which trusting turns into ignoring? If so, are there any signs warning us about the danger of being not only trusting but naïve?

I started to mull over these questions the other day as I was sharing a coffee with one of my best friends. She came to me almost freaking out with her heart broken into a thousand pieces: after six years of relationship, four of them living together, her boyfriend cheated on her. And, even worse than the betrayal was the fact that she didn’t realize! She felt stupid and silly but, was it her fault? As she was speaking I felt almost as shocked as her because we are quite similar. I mean, she’s not the typical desperate woman who prefers lying to herself and live a fake relationship just for the sake of not being alone. She was just trusting the man she loved! So, was it truth that we shouldn’t trust our couples anymore? I couldn’t help but wonder, weren’t there any alert signals to imagine that ‘something’ was going on?

That question was eating up my mind and, for the first time in many months, the only thing that cheered me up was the fact of living in a small town. How could that be? You might be thinking, well, easy. As you all know in big cities nobody worries about their neighbour’s life -something I really miss!- however, in this situation the suspicious ability of gossiping -so trendy in my town- was of great value to my mind’s relief. If I’m not able to recognise when my boyfriend is cheating on me, at least, I can trust my neighbours’ capacity to spread news quicker than I usually like. That is, in small towns, neighbours might be the alert signals that you might need: their rumors and weird looks on you will let you know when something is going on. Of course this is not the best way to discover that your boyfriend is being unfaithful but, at least, you know you won’t be walking around the town for years without noticing it. But, is this the only way to find out? Aren't there any other signs?

After quite a lot of thinking, I just had to admit that there isn’t a magic formula to guess whether your couple is being unfaithful or not but, hard as it might be, we need to trust them to be able of having a nice, lovely and HEALTHY relationship. Do you want to find alert signals? Don’t forget the only important trick: WE MUST TRUST OURSELVES, our intuition, our hearts. My friend was cheated on, I can be cheated on, so what? Many women and men are and, isn’t it worthy to know that you have loved with all your heart? In love as in any other field of life you need to risk if you want to win, even if this means you might be hurt. How could anyone doubt about trusting? Definitely without trusting, there cannot be a relationship, not a real one. So, how much trusting is too much trusting? Easy, if you are wondering that, you are probably trusting too much. Listen to your heart, love, trust yourself and everything will be alright. 

SEX AND THE TOWN

Have you ever tried to keep a “Sex and the City” lifestyle in a small town? Have you realized how difficult it might be for a single, independent and, of course, intelligent woman in her thirties to try and be as cool, elegant and sexy as our dear Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha and Miranda if it happens that she lives not in “the City” but in “the Town”? Have you ever thought of that?

You might be thinking -and you might be right- that I’m a little foolish wasting my time wondering about such nonsense but, my dear readers, if as my friends and me, you find yourselves living in a small town, then, you know for sure that things are not always as you would expect them to be in “the City”. This is, it seems that men and women have nowadays the same rights and they are treated equally but, once you live in a town, you find out this is not always so.

A clear example happened to me this week. As many of you already know, my boyfriend is leaving for a while our “dear town” and…Can you believe many of our friends look at me as if I were crazy just because I’m not running after him? If he’s coming back in a few months, why should I give up my career in favour of his? Hello! Men, and especially women, of my lovely town and residents of every single small town or village in this world, these words are for you: WAKE UP! We are in the 21^st century. We have been taught to study, to get a career, to be independent from men and then, suddenly, once we grow up, we are supposed to leave all of that to go after a man?

I can’t help but wonder, aren’t we doing something wrong? What kind of message are we sending to our children? Actually, aren’t we telling our girls that in the end they will have to pick either having a career or having a relationship? Well, I don’t know what you think about this but, I can certainly tell you, I don’t agree at all with this contradictory teaching. Sorry, but just the idea of choosing because we are women gets on my nerves!

So, my dear neighbours, just in case you hadn’t noticed, this is the 21^st century, and I really think a woman can have both, her career and a great relationship. Hence, I just can add that we might love the series “Sex and the City” but, we definitely need a real “Sex and the Town”, don't you think so?